November 5th, 2009

Subject: Where The Wild Things Are Time: 02:11 am

People don't make me uncomfortable. I don't care much about people especially if i don't like them. I don't lack social skills because i do feel happy talking to most. But these don't really mean anything, do they? It just hit me that i know many people, but how many of them do i really know and how many really knows me? I have never intended to hide under a shroud of secrecy. I have never been dishonest. I can stand on steps with my heart in my hand. And if you want, i can juggle it together with some apples. But the heart has been frozen for too long. Perhaps the habit of not telling has resided too long in my blood for me to rid of its residue. I have known some amazing people for a considerable period of time, yet i find it hard to get any closer. And even harder to comprehend how others could do that with so much ease. A wall i don't know how to get over. That is what i feel whenever i start feeling.

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August 7th, 2009

Subject: 非誠勿擾 Time: 09:37 pm

It feels like Summer 2008 only happened yesterday. I hope 2010 comes tomorrow. You'll get the butter steak ready, i'll bring the junk food (and a roach trap). 美女廚房，燒左先講.

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August 5th, 2009

Subject: Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You Time: 05:38 am

八號風球後的清晨，客廳，天氣微寒，有雨。 電視上低聲地播著晨間新聞。已經六點多了。 讀書讀累了，眼睛有點乾澀。睡意隨著日出後的第一道光線漸濃。 矛盾地，不想錯過這能獨自享受的時光，所以強逼著自己不睡。 給自己沖了一杯熱奶茶，享受著難得的寧靜。 沒有任何人的干擾。可以放肆地把該煩惱的事情拋諸腦后。 一些人對獨處的恐懼讓我感到詭異和好奇。 我喜歡清晨與黑夜一樣遠離繁囂，一樣的安靜。 黎明時刻少了一份壓迫的空虛和寂寞，多了份早餐的香和城市快蘇醒的感覺。 假期時間對這作息時間的執著和沉迷或許是這樣由來的。 剛讀完是Tony Parsons 的My Favourite Wife。簡樸的holiday reading material. 筆下的上海是我向往領悟的：亂中有序，主角都喝咖啡吃餃子，有文化有人情味有暴發戶。無比的空洞。 我驚覺一年後的今天雖然仍未逃出王菲唱出的《我也不想這樣》，但已摸索到了詞的意義。 當然，聽著這歌還是沒法不感慨，但也明暸「反正最後每個人都孤獨」背后的可以不是感傷而是蘊藏著希望的樂觀。 假如，我只是說假如。

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